this morning i wrote like mad {new inspiration & decisions for my soul }

*WARNING THIS POST IS ENTIRELY TOO PERSONAL,

COMPLETELY SELF REFLECTIVE & INDULGENT...BUT TOTALLY CATHARTIC! 

IF WOMEN HAVE MID LIFE CRISES...THIS MAY VERY WELL BE MINE*

i know it's supposed to be {unplugged sunday}

but this morning my mind, heart & soul have been stirring & i could not hold it all in anymore.

i have been writing it all down like mad.

i miss writing...i used to write alot of things

like poems, stories, daily journaling,

but this morning

i wrote thoughts.

i wrote feelings.

i wrote dreams.

i wrote plans.

& i FINALLY for the first time in a long time

i wrote my own decisions.

recently some things have greatly inspired & impacted me,

these are some of the ones i wrote down:

1. maybe i need to lower or let go of my expectations of others [that are never going to happen] & raise & change my expectations of myself.

2. never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be an option. someone who has always had time for everyone & everything else BUT you [me], always will (1) & never will (2).[this one i need to listen to the most]

3. you [i] need to find support where you [i] always have & with whom you [i've] have always found it. those are the ones who truly love you [me] & that you [i]can truly depend on.

4. make changes & sacrifices to achieve your [my] own goals & dreams, instead of changes, sacrifices & EXCUSES to only help everyone else [but me] achieve theirs.

5. give yourself [myself] permission to be self loving, self serving & self motivated also instead of always self sacrificing for others. pulling back & not giving so much away is sometimes necessary to protect ourselves from hurt. these are all different than being selfish.

6. my kids are old enough. it's my turn. & it's ok...i asked them ;).

7.the sun rises & sets for me too. i deserve it!

8. it's time to let go of alot things [old

dreams,plans,obstacles,etc...] & make a new reality [my own].

it's crazy. it's scary. it's new. and it's ok.

along with writing this morning,

i looked thru my old "self image" journal

& idea boards from 10 & 20 years ago.

*mirrors into my own soul*

& to my great surprise i still LOVE all the same things!

 life has changed, but i am still the same old soul.

the difference is that now i am lacking these things that brought me & my soul joy & made me ME, as part of my current life. 

it is time to bring those things that brought my soul joy 

back into my life

& in a big way.

among the fun things that have gotten lost along my way

are my life goals & dreams.

i desperately need to bring that ME back (I LOVE that girl)!

i'm overdue, ready & i'm the only one who can do it.

so as my list of inspirations says, i need to make changes, effort & sacrifices to make my own dreams & goals come true (instead of excuses).

& i also need to surround myself with people that really do support me.

and i have already started.